Standard Procedure
by Lira is a Girl's Name
Summary: Hanna tells Ples he's possessed. Zombie, Worth, Lamont, and Veser accompany the redhead to help with the exorcism. Ples really doesn't think this is standard procedure for such things; this feels more like a group sex conspiracy.


AN: Errr, I probably need to explain this. It was written for my Hanna skype chat. The entire point was to put a particular thing in our Brit's mouth by having her read it aloud in fic dialogue, and we decided that Ples really should be the one to say it. Erm. I really don't know how that turned into this. This is intended as crack, so don't take it too seriously. Hanna is Not a Boy's Name is the property of Tessa Stone; no money is being made and no offense is meant with my trespasses.

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STANDARD PROCEDURE

-by: Lira-

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Ples did not know the standard procedure for exorcisms, but he did not think this was it.

Three days before, Hanna had cornered him at the liquor store to inform him that he seemed to be possessed. Ples knew approximately how well Hanna's cases went by then, and made a note on his calendar to perhaps not leave his apartment for a week or two. Hanna would not be deterred. It seemed the wisdom here was "if he won't come to you, you had better come to him."

Ples had been alarmed when he opened his door to see first Hanna, bearing chocolate syrup and cable ties, and then Veser and that Doctor Worth standing behind the young paranormal investigator with that zombie and Lamont Toucey crowding in at the back. They all breezed by him into his apartment without so little as a fare-the-well in greeting, the zombie and Lamont taking him by one wrist each and leading him inside.

That was, Ples imagined, how he had ended up with arms cable-tied to the wrought iron stools in his kitchen, Veser brandishing a silver pair of scissors and cutting his clothing from his body. After Veser had bared the way, Hanna began drawing complex runes on Ples' chest with the chocolate syrup, every so often stopping to pop a finger in his mouth and hum delightedly. He knew the zombie was crouched behind him, and Ples suspected he didn't even want to know what he was doing.

Worth produced a small pink bottle with cherry print and curly script on it as Veser cut Ples' undergarments off. A quantity of fluid from the bottle was squeezed by Worth into Lamont's hands, before Worth slicked his own fingers. An overpowering scent of cherries began to mix with the already-present odor of chocolate. Hanna dipped a clean finger into the puddle on Lamont's palm before tasting that, too. After that the puddle became a slippery hand curled around Ples' cock, Worth's fingers tracing up the inside of Ples' thigh before the first two wormed inside of him.

Hanna stopped drawing and began to murmur something in a low cadence, and the ticking that Ples could almost forget about by then sped up faster and faster, as if it was trying to get out of him, or perhaps get in to someone else. Lamont's hand moved faster, the precise flick of his wrist on the upstroke speaking of so much practice. As if competing, Worth twisted his own wrist and spread his fingers, scissoring, the pads of his fingertips skittering against that place inside. Ples could hear his breath hitching every so often in time with the ticking and in time with the hands, everywhere, even Zombie's impossibly cool hands splayed flat upon his back.

Ples did not think this was the standard procedure for exorcisms, but it sure as bloody hell was something else. The looks Worth and Lamont were exchanging were highly suspect, so Ples looked to Hanna instead, Hanna who couldn't possibly want to hurt him, who would be doing things for Ples' own benefit even if the plastic cables around Ples' wrists were starting to chafe. Hanna's eyes were almost closed when Ples attempted to meet them, and so his gaze fell to Veser instead, who had started to lick some of the runes off of Ples' chest. Veser glanced up, met Ples' stare, and as soon as he knew he was being watched bit down hard just where Ples' collarbone was.

"Mmmgh," Ples moaned, catching half of the sound in his throat before it could escape.

Lamont and Worth were watching him now, too, not even needing to observe their busy hands. Ples would have been surprised that no one had stuck anything in his mouth yet, but Hanna had muttered something when they first dragged Ples along about needing to leave a channel open for the possessing agent.

And then Worth had somehow slipped his thumb inside as well, as if he was trying to reach inside of Ples and back out again, and Lamont had ducked his head in one smooth motion, the tip of his tongue swiping along the underside of Ples' cock before his mouth descended over the head, and Hanna's hands were busy moving over Ples replacing runes even as Veser licked them off and left livid bite marks in his wake, and the zombie's hands were at the sides of Ples' head, holding him in place as if they all really would like to slip some candy gag down his throat, and, and, and-

"MMMNGH- TALLY HO!" Ples exclaimed, the words just bursting from him like that exorcized spirit everyone was so worried about.

The motions stopped. The mouths ceased their tracings and all of the fingers stilled, although Worth's hand was still invading him and Lamont's mouth was still stretched tight around what was now quite the erection. Hanna stopped murmuring.

"What the fuck was that?" Veser blurted out.

Everyone else watched Ples expectantly, surely curious how he could excuse himself.

"I, ah," Ples began, feeling the tips of his ears burning and hoping no one noticed. "I got a bit... Excited, I did."

Ples looked around at everyone. If he didn't know better, he would suspect that Hanna had deliberately planned an orgy for the assembled group. But no, it was Hanna, guileless Hanna. It was everyone else he should question, with the things he had heard about Lamont and Worth, and the things he had seen with his own two eyes about Veser.

"You mean people really SAY that?" Veser continued, as if he just couldn't believe it.

Ples wanted to shrug or excuse himself, explain things away, but it was rather hard to do anything with his wrists tied tight. He couldn't really move at all.

"It's all right, just a little nothing," Ples insisted at low volume. "Please, carry on with the exorcism. I would like to be deemed better so we can all get past this."

Ples watched as Hanna looked around at everyone, calmly taking stock. And then by unspoken agreement it all resumed, Lamont's mouth and cleverly moving hand around the base of Ples' cock, Worth's spry fingers invading everywhere so perfectly, Veser nuzzling a few of the bites he had already made as Hanna offered him more chocolate.

From behind him, Ples could hear the zombie move, could feel the fingers along the sides of his head shifting slightly. He could tell when the zombie had placed his mouth right beside Ples' ear.

"Don't mind them," the zombie said. "Veser wrote this up and put it on the internet as an exorcism procedure, before giving Hanna the URL. It seems Veser can be very convincing, when he wants to get something done."

Ples was silent, wondering if he should even be surprised. Veser, unlike Hanna, would have no qualms about lying to the people he was supposed to be friends with. Although Ples still suspected that the cherry flavor to the lube was Lamont's personal touch.

Ples just hoped that once he orgasmed – or in the next three minutes without fail – everyone would pack up their things, untie him, and leave. He was experiencing a niggling worry that Veser might orchestrate a way to prove the exorcism had failed, and Ples did not want to know what would be done to him the next time.


End file.
